Only Temporary

Eudaimonia Tip # 14 –  The key to any change starts with the desire for something better.  

“It’s only temporary,” I tell my reflection in the mirror. The rounder face, the blurred jawline, and the expanded physical size are what you end up with when you emotionally eat your way through grief.  I’ve used every tool available to help heal from the tragedy of 2018 and now that 2019 is well underway it’s time to move on with my life.

I know it’s taboo to think that one can “get over” their grief, but they also say that grief is different for everyone. A bit of context about me, I like to plan and set time frames for things. For example, about five years ago I was suffering through a breakup and was depressed, as in hard to function depressed. I realized that if I didn’t set a time limit on this ‘breakup grief’ it would ruin me. So, I permitted myself to be sad and depressed for two weeks. I let the grief engulf me; I refused to talk to my friends; I slept a lot and cried a lot. I obsessed over our text and emails, reading them over and over. Ironically this was during my skinny days, so I didn’t overeat, actually eating was the last thing on my mind. But I digress… after the two weeks, I wrapped up my pity party and started to engage life again.

2018 was a lot like those two weeks, and I told myself that after the clock struck midnight on New Year’s eve, I would start to live again. No more avoiding people, skipping holidays or events and no more living in fear of my future now that it is mine to direct.

With my mind at peace I can focus on the other areas of my life that I’ve been neglecting. As uncomfortable as this is to admit, I am no stranger at the starting line of losing weight. My whole life is one big roller coaster of fighting the weight battle. I’ve had years when I was thin, then thin-ish, then those miserable years when I was just plain out fat.

Disclaimer: I know we all are trying to live in a body-positive world where every shape is acceptable. I’m all for this new way of thinking to break stereotypes, but what happens when you don’t like the person you see in the mirror? What happens when you cannot accept yourself because you’ve lived in a better, happier version of yourself?

The way I see it, there are two paths to take. A. You can accept defeat, or 2. you can recognize where you are and then lay the groundwork to make change happen.  The key to any change starts in your mind with a desire for something better. Sure, after my last attempt at love that ended tragically I could throw in the towel and start collecting cats, but two is enough, and I know I can be better.

There is a difference between believing in something and knowing something. Believing is having faith while knowing is having knowledge. I have faith that I will drop the grief weight, but I also know that it will happen because I’ve done it before. A few years ago I was in incredible shape and oozing confidence because I was 60 lbs lighter.

And so it begins, the long journey to becoming the new and improved me. Over the last three weeks I’ve cleaned up my diet by cutting out all the junk carbs and sugar that was mentally and physically slowing me down. It’s amazing how changing one thing at a time can help lay the stepping stones to success. It will be a long and arduous road, but one that I must take to live a “life well lived.”

http://Photo by Nadine Wuchenauer from Pexels

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